They could be one of your colleagues, a close friend, or even a family member. That’s right, us gluten free people are hiding everywhere! Not sure how to spot us during the festive season? Here’s 20 ways to spot a gluten free person at Christmas!
Ok, so obviously this is not a serious guide to spotting a gluten free person!
(well, it’s better than nothing!)
But Christmas can be a tough time of the year for us when we’re totally surrounded everywhere. With that in mind, I thought I’d try and sum up the 20 ways to spot a gluten free person at Christmas. Hopefully it’ll put a smile on your face during a potentially stressful month! So let’s get started…
1. While everyone is opening their presents, they’ll be busy reading the ingredients on every product in the house.
We wish you a Merry Christmas and no may contains.
2. And yes, they will slyly read the ingredients of any edible gifts they receive without you noticing.
I’ve developed this talent where I can look you in the eye whilst still being able to look down at my lap and read the ingredients.
3. So you had better hope that you didn’t buy them Malteasers – again. They may exhibit some signs of anger.
If I still had every box of Malteasers I’ve been given over the last 10 years, I could probably construct my own Santa’s grotto with them.
4. If you’ve kindly invited them over, they may have a few questions about your food and kitchen facilities.
Let’s start with the main one: are you going to try and poison me today?
5. And they may be a little on edge – because they actually have been poisoned by their own family in the past.
Sometimes I wonder if it was an accident or if they were applying their ‘a little bit won’t hurt theory’. I’m not sure I even want to know.
6. A dead giveaway is the whirlwind of emotions they feel when you respond to their questions with “what is gluten?”
All I want for Christmas is edible food.
7. So they may also arrive with some of their own gluten free food just in case.
I’m not saying I don’t trust you, but I don’t trust you.
8. They may not respond well to the phrase “oh, go on, have a little bit – it’s Christmas!”
Yes, my body’s hatred of gluten actually takes the day off at Christmas, so it’s very convenient for me.
(may contain: sarcasm)
9. Which is why they will generally refuse most foods that you offer them.
No, I still can’t eat that. Same as last year. And the year before that. And the…
10. Which can make them feel like they’re being rude and/or awkward since you probably spent hours lovingly creating it.
I don’t have an allergy to the love that went into this, but the massive amount of gluten is sort of a barrier for me.
11. But it’s probably best if you spare them the agony of being asked why they don’t want to/can’t eat something.
Please. I just want one day where I don’t have to explain the inner workings of my digestive system at the dinner table.
Just. One. Day.
12. They may over-react a little if they find a gluten free version of their fave Christmas delight.
13. Even if it is twice as expensive as the regular version.
Gluten free panettone? ONLY £6? I’ll take them all, please.
*one week later*
“Sorry kids, I couldn’t buy you any Christmas presents this year.”
14. You actually may not even be able to spot them at the office Christmas dinner outing.
No, they’re not hiding. They just couldn’t eat anything off the entire menu – plus the staff then pulled out the whole “there’s no cross-contamination because gluten is killed off in the high temperatures of frying” rubbish.
So basically, I couldn’t come even if I wanted to.
15. But if they are ‘fortunate’ enough to be able to attend, their food options will always look soooo much worse than yours.
Melon for starter, main and dessert? That’s almost impressive.
Sorry, I think I meant depressing.
16. But nothing will beat the sheer joy on their face if you actually do put in the effort to buy them a present they can eat.
You read the ingredients… for me?
17. Or make a few simple adjustments so there’s nothing they miss out on at Christmas lunch.
Stuffing, Yorkshire puddings, gravy… and I can actually eat it all? This is better than most restaurants already!
18. Or make them a dessert from scratch that they can eat.
It’s not fruit! Everybody, I’ve got a dessert that I can eat that isn’t just fruit!
19. Or check with them that they can actually eat at a venue before booking it.
I mean, please don’t just dump the responsibility of deciding everything on me, but just checking with me before it’s set in stone would be amazing!
20. And they will be sooooo incredibly grateful that you made them feel normal again at Christmas!
A Christmas where I didn’t miss out? Now that’s the best gift of all!
Stay safe during the festive season folks – keep reading the ingredients, quadruple checking with your host and don’t let food allergies/intolerances ruin your fun!
Thanks for checking out the 20 ways to spot a gluten free person at Christmas! Did I miss anything out? What other thoughts have you had during the festive season?
Thanks for reading,