Whoever said that Christmas was the most wonderful time of the year probably had no problems eating gluten. It’s actually more like ‘the most stressful time of the year’ if you’re gluten free! Here’s 14 things all gluten free people think at Christmas.
Remember when Christmas was all about presents, food, family and fun? Well now it’s just all about the food. I mean, it’s hard to enjoy the day when you’re surrounded by gluten in various forms, isn’t it? So here’s 14 things all gluten free people think at Christmas…
1. “I hope Santa brings me a new body that can tolerate gluten this year.”
I have been pretty good this year after all – I removed a lot of products from the free from aisle that shouldn’t be there.
I’ve basically saved lives.
2. “Oh no… it’s a Christmas buffet.”
No idea what anything is, no idea what’s in what and everything seems to be touching.
Oh well, Christmas dinner will be fine – surely I can eat that, right? Oh wait, there’s gluten in the gravy, stuffing, Yorkshire puds, oh and the pigs in blankets have wheat in them.
Let’s just cancel Christmas next year.
3. “Will I actually be able to attend the office Christmas outing this year?”
If they go to that bloody Chinese buffet again, I think I might just resign. IT’S NOT EVEN A FESTIVE PLACE TO EAT!
4. “Or maybe I can convince the entire office to go somewhere different to eat this year, just because of me?”
I think it’d be easier to just resign.
5. “Will *insert family member here* finally remember what I can and can’t eat this year?”
Nope I still can’t have your gravy. For the tenth year in a row.
Maybe next year I’ll be cured? Fingers crossed Santa remembers to bring me that new body.
6. “Will I get a dessert that resembles an actual dessert this year?”
In my book, examples of a dessert might include: a slice of cheesecake, sticky toffee pudding or a serving of trifle. One (or all) of those would be fine by me.
A piece of melon cut into a Christmas tree doesn’t fit into that equation. In fact it makes me quite enraged.
7. “Why do they always have to bring out all the delicious gluten at Christmas?”
I mean, I can cope having to see/smell fresh croissants, doughnuts, cookies, cakes, danish pastries all year… but please get your Lebkuchen/Trifle/sausage rolls out of my face.
8. “Why does *insert family member here* always give me gifts that contain gluten?”
Fourth year running and I’m still being gifted Malteasers from Auntie Nora.
I guess it’s the thought that counts… as long as her thought wasn’t “I’m going to try and poison her again this year”.
9. “How on Earth am I going to eat all these on my own?”
Ok – this is great. Someone thought of me and bought me my own box of gluten free mince pies. That’s awesome!
But can someone please take them away from me before I eat the… nevermind, I’ve eaten them all.
10. “Why does *insert family member here* always quiz me on why I can’t eat everything?”
I’m pretty sure we went through this last year Uncle Dave.
If I eat gluten, then the world ends and we all cease to exist. It’s as simple as that. Now let’s never speak of this again, ok?
11. “I must make sure I don’t forget to bring my *insert gluten free product here* with me.”
It wouldn’t be a gluten free Christmas if you didn’t have to bring your own gravy/dessert/bread/entire Christmas dinner now, would it?
12. “I don’t even like Christmas pudding, but I’m still mad that nobody remembered to get me a gluten free one.”
Ok – even if you did remember, I still wouldn’t eat it.
It’s just the principal!!
13. “Instead of giving me a Christmas card, could you just give me all the packaging of all the food instead, please?”
If not, I will be happy to go through the bin for them.
14. “I survived!”
Well, I sincerely hope that you think this at 11:59pm on Christmas day!!
Stay safe during the festive season folks – keep reading the ingredients, quadruple checking with your host and don’t let food allergies/intolerances ruin your fun!
Thanks for checking out the 14 things all gluten free people think at Christmas! Did I miss anything out? What other thoughts have you had during the festive season?
Thanks for reading,