They could be one of your colleagues, a close friend, or even a family member. That’s right, us gluten free people are hiding everywhere!Not sure how to spot us during the festive season? Here’s 20 ways to spot a gluten free person at Christmas!
Ok, so obviously this is not a serious guide to spotting a gluten free person!
(well, it’s better than nothing!)
But Christmas can be a tough time of the year for us when we’re totally surrounded by gluten everywhere. With that in mind, I thought I’d try and sum up the 20 ways to spot a gluten free person at Christmas. Hopefully it’ll put a smile on your face during a potentially stressful time! So let’s get started…
1. While everyone is opening their presents, gluten-free people will be be busy reading the ingredients on every product in the house.
We wish you a Merry Christmas and no may contains.
I have been known to rummage through the recycling just to find the packaging of the food on offer. And it’s not something I regret one bit.
2. And yes, they will slyly read the ingredients of any edible gifts they receive without you noticing.
I’ve developed this talent where I can look you in the eye whilst still being able to look down at my lap and read the ingredients.
It took about a decade to learn, but it’s totally worth it.
3. So you had better hope that you didn’t buy them Malteasers – again. They may exhibit some signs of anger.
If I still had every box of Malteasers I’ve been given over the last 10 years, I could probably construct my own Santa’s grotto with them.
Looks like everyone I know is being regifted Malteasers for the foreseeable future.
4. If you’ve kindly invited them over, they may have a few questions about your food and kitchen facilities.
Let’s start with the main one: are you going to try and poison me with gluten today?
Oh and ‘how are you?’ I guess.
5. And they may be a little on edge – because they actually have been poisoned by their own family in the past.
I hope they were applying their ‘a little bit won’t hurt’ theory. I’m not sure I even want to know.
6. A dead giveaway is the whirlwind of emotions a gluten-free person feels when you respond to their questions by asking them: “what is gluten?”
All I want for Christmas is edible food. That’s how the song goes, right?
7. So they may also arrive with some of their own gluten free food just in case.
I’m not saying I don’t trust you, but I don’t trust you.
8. They may not respond well to the phrase “oh, go on, have a little bit – it’s Christmas!”
Oh sure, my body’s hatred of gluten actually takes the day off at Christmas, so it’s very convenient for me. (this sentence may contain traces of sarcasm)
9. Which is why they will generally refuse most foods that you offer them.
No, I still can’t eat that. Same as last year. And the year before that. And the…
10. Which can make a gluten-free person feel like they’re being rude and/or awkward since you might have spent hours lovingly creating it.
I don’t have an allergy to the love that went into this, but the massive amount of gluten is sort of a problem for me. I’m not ungrateful, I swear!
11. But it’s probably best if you spare them the agony of being asked why they don’t want to/can’t eat something.
Please. I just want one day where I don’t have to explain the inner workings of my digestive system at the dinner table.
Just. One. Day.
12. They may over-react a little if they find a gluten free version of their fave Christmas delight.
I don’t know where you found gluten-free spring rolls and I don’t care. You are now in my top 5 humans list forever.
13. Especially as it was probably four times more expensive than the regular version.
“Sorry kids, I couldn’t buy you any Christmas presents this year.”
14. You actually may not even be able to spot them at the office Christmas dinner outing.
No, they’re not hiding. They just couldn’t eat anything off the entire menu – plus the staff then pulled out the whole “there’s no cross-contamination because gluten is killed off in the high temperatures of frying” rubbish.
So basically, I couldn’t come even if I wanted to.
15. But if they are fortunate enough to even be able to attend, their plates can sometimes look a little bit empty.
Melon for starter, main and dessert? That’s almost impressive. Sorry, I think I meant depressing.
And for those wondering, the empty space on my plate is where the good stuff should be.
16. But nothing will beat the sheer joy on their face if you actually do put in the effort to buy them an edible gift that they can eat.
You read the ingredients list… for me?
17. Or make a few simple adjustments so there’s nothing they miss out on at Christmas lunch.
Stuffing, Yorkshire puddings, gravy… and I can actually eat it all? This is better than most restaurants already!
18. Or make them a dessert from scratch that they can eat.
It’s not fruit! Everybody, I’ve got a dessert that I can eat that isn’t just fruit!
19. Or check with them that they can actually eat at a venue before booking it.
Just checking with me before it’s set in stone would be amazing!
20. And they will be sooooo incredibly grateful that you made them feel normal again at Christmas!
A Christmas where I didn’t miss out? Now that’s the best gift of all!
Merry Christmas!
Stay safe during the festive season folks – keep reading the ingredients, quadruple checking with your host and don’t let food allergies/intolerances ruin your fun!
Thanks for checking out the 20 ways to spot a gluten free person at Christmas! Did I miss anything out? What other thoughts have you had during the festive season?
Let me know by leaving a comment below or you can message me on Instagram! If you enjoyed this post you’ll probably enjoy this one and this one (or any of the ones below) too.
Thanks for reading,
Becky xxx
Liked this post? Check these out…
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14 things all gluten free people think at Christmas
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15 signs you’ve been gluten free for way too long
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17 ways to spot a gluten free person
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20 things that happen in the free from aisle
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17 ways to spot a gluten free person on holiday
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19 things that will annoy you if you’re gluten free
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16 things that happen when you’re gluten free
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16 problems that happen when you have IBS
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17 struggles of being the only gluten free person in your house
