Whoever said that Christmas was the ‘most wonderful time of the year’ had probably never heard of a gluten-free diet. It can be more like ‘the most stressful time of the year’ if you’re gluten-free! Here’s 14 things all gluten free people think at Christmas.
Remember when Christmas was all about presents, food, family and fun? Suddenly, when you’re gluten-free, it’s just all about the food. I mean, it’s hard to enjoy the day when you’re surrounded by gluten in various forms, isn’t it? So here’s 14 things all gluten free people think at Christmas…
1. “I hope Santa brings me a new body that can consume gluten this year.”
I have been pretty good this year after all – I removed a lot of products from the free from aisle that shouldn’t be there.
I’ve basically saved lives, Santa!
2. “Oh no… it’s a gluten-packed Christmas buffet.”
No idea what anything is, no idea what’s in what and everything seems to be touching.
Let’s just cancel Christmas next year.
3. “Will I actually be able to attend the office Christmas outing this year?”
If they go to that Chinese buffet again, I think I might just resign.
IT’S NOT EVEN A FESTIVE PLACE TO EAT!
4. “Or maybe I can convince the entire office to go somewhere different to eat this year, just because of me?”
After pleading to my colleagues only to be asked “what is gluten?”, I think it would actually be easier to just resign.
5. “Will *insert family member here* finally remember what I can and can’t eat this year?”
Nope I still can’t have your gravy. For the tenth year in a row.
Maybe next year I’ll be cured? Fingers crossed Santa remembers to bring me that new body I’ve been wishing for 🤞🏻
6. “Will I get a dessert that resembles an actual dessert this year?”
In my book, examples of a dessert might include: a slice of cheesecake, sticky toffee pudding or a serving of trifle. One (or all) of those, in a gluten-free form, would be fine by me.
A piece of melon cut into a Christmas tree doesn’t fit into that equation. In fact it makes me quite enraged.
Perhaps next year my dessert will be a potato carved into the shape of Santa’s head?
Or a singular blueberry spray painted red as Rudolf’s nose? Yum!
7. “Why do they always have to bring out all the delicious gluten at Christmas?”
I mean, I can cope having to see/smell fresh croissants, doughnuts, cookies, cakes, danish pastries all year…
But please get all your gluten-filled party food out of my face ASAP, thank you.
8. “Why does *insert family member here* always give me gifts that contain gluten?”
Fourth year running and I’m still being gifted Malteasers from Uncle Nigel.
I guess it’s the thought that counts… as long as his thought wasn’t “I’m going to try and poison her again this year”.
9. “How on Earth am I going to eat all these on my own?”
Ok – this is great. Someone thought of me and bought me my own box of gluten free mince pies. That’s awesome!
But can someone please take them away from me before I eat the… nevermind, I’ve eaten them all.
10. “Why does *insert family member here* always quiz me on why I can’t eat everything?”
I’m pretty sure we went through this last year, Auntie Vanessa.
If I eat gluten, then the world ends and life as we all know it ceases to exist. It’s as simple as that. Now let’s never speak of this again, ok? Anyway, how was your recent trip to Ireland?
(and yes, I updated this post to include a Vanessa Feltz joke for obvious reasons 😂 Sorry, I had to!)
11. “I must make sure I don’t forget to bring my *insert gluten free product here* with me.”
It wouldn’t be a gluten free Christmas if you didn’t have to bring your own gravy/dessert/stuffing/Yorkshire puddings/entire Christmas dinner now, would it?
Perhaps it’s time for me to finally invest in that moped so I can finally pretend I’m a food delivery driver with full conviction.
12. “I don’t even like Christmas pudding, but I’m still mad that nobody remembered to get me a gluten free one.”
Ok – even if you did remember, I’m not the biggest fan of Christmas pudding to start with.
It’s just the principal!!
13. “Instead of giving me a Christmas card, could you just give me all the packaging of all the food instead, please?”
If not, I will be happy to go through the bin for them.
14. “I survived!”
Well, I sincerely hope that you think this at 11:59pm on Christmas day!!
Stay safe during the festive season folks – keep reading the ingredients, quadruple checking with your host and don’t let food allergies/intolerances ruin your fun!
Merry Christmas!
Thanks for checking out the 14 things all gluten free people think at Christmas! Did I miss anything out? What other thoughts have you had during the festive season?
Let me know by leaving a comment below or you can message me on Instagram! If you enjoyed this post you’ll probably enjoy this one and this one (or any of the ones below) too.
Thanks for reading,
Becky xxx
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17 ways to spot a gluten free person on holiday
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19 things that will annoy you if you’re gluten free
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16 things that happen when you’re gluten free
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16 problems that happen when you have IBS
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17 struggles of being the only gluten free person in your house
