For me, Bake Off season usually means frantically Googling what’s being baked with the addition of the phrase ‘gluten free’. Sometimes I do question why I would torture myself by watching a programme where I can never eat anything!
But just because I can’t eat anything, that shouldn’t stop me from enjoying it, right? Well, of course not, it’s fun to watch (even without Mary Berry and Mel and Sue *moment of silence*) But you have to admit, it is a little strange to sit down once a week and remind yourself of all the things you can’t eat… so I think it’s time we all appreciated the 14 things all gluten free people think during The Great British Bake Off…
1. “When is it going to be gluten-free week?”
Why do I ask myself this question every week? They just made something boring like pitta bread last time, so I’m not sure why I still get excited at the thought… but no seriously, when is it? Anybody? Hello?
2. Can we bring back Peter from last year’s Bake Off?
I mean, he only went and made a gluten-free battenberg, which made Paul say ‘Gluten-free flour for sponges really works’…
3. “That wouldn’t work if it was gluten free…”
Without gluten, it’d collapse and fall apart. A bit like most people’s showstoppers, or me when I first went without gluten.
4. “If Paul Hollywood thinks that tastes bad, he clearly hasn’t tasted gluten free bread.”
It’s ‘dry, stodgy and has a hole in the middle’, does it, Paul? Wait, maybe he has then…
5. “I wish I could eat that…”
Still not sure why I torture myself by watching a TV programme full of things I can’t eat on a weekly basis. Does anyone know where I can buy a gluten free choux pastry windmill?
6. “Would I even be allowed on The Great British Bake Off as a contestant?”
I mean, I’d only demand no gluten on set, which isn’t much of a big deal, I’m sure.
After all, Freya is vegan this year, so surely it’s about time a purely gluten-free person went on too, right?
7. “Wait. There are cakes out there that aren’t a gluten free brownie?”
I’m sorry, it’s just that I live in a world where every cake is a gluten free brownie. What’s this thing you call a ‘danish pastry’? Never heard of them.
8. “What would I eat if I had no food allergies?”
Forget the Bake Off, I’d probably just go to Greggs for a sausage roll.
9. “I wonder if I can make that gluten free?”
I mean, it’s only a sculpture of a lion’s face made out of bread, how hard can it possibly be?
10. “Can we stop mentioning the ‘g’ word please?”
Right, okay Paul, I get it. Gluten is great and makes baking function. Don’t rub it in my face. No, literally. Please don’t do that.
11. “I now have a craving for literally everything I can’t eat. Great.”
Excuse me sir, in what aisle might I find the gluten-free stroopwafels, please? What do you mean you have no idea what I’m talking about?
12. “What would happen if I were a judge on The Great British Bake Off?”
Clearly, it’d have to be gluten-free week every week, otherwise I couldn’t even taste anything. Interesting…
13. “The last time I ate one of those was in 1972.”
I mean, I was only born in 1991, but it feels like that long since I ate a real croissant.
14. “I’ve actually forgotten what that even tastes like.”
I don’t want to live in a world where the taste of danish pastries ceases to exist.
15. “I hope that it’s gluten-free week next week.”
No seriously, why haven’t they even mentioned it yet? I’m starting to get worried now. There’s been a vegan week, but what about us?!! Help!
Thanks for checking out the 15 things all gluten free people think during The Great British Bake Off! Did I miss anything out? What other thoughts have you had whilst watching the Bake Off?
Thanks for reading,