How gluten free are you? It’s time to find out! Here’s 20 things that more than likely sum up your gluten free life. Did I miss any out? Let me know!
It’s weird but I do really believe that we all go through some extremely similar experiences in life, just by being gluten free. So I’ve dedicated this post to being the ‘greatest hits’ of moments that might just have happened to you along your gluten free journey. So here’s the 20 things you only know if you’re gluten free…
1. You read more food labels than actual books.
‘Read anything good recently?’
‘I did start reading something good, but I didn’t like the ending. It had a ‘may contain’ warning’
(I actually laughed out loud when I just wrote that)
2. The supermarket in-store bakery becomes a blackspot that you never visit.
3. All your desserts suddenly turn into fruit.
Please don’t call it dessert if you’re just going to cut up fruit and put it on a plate.
That’s not dessert, that’s a healthy snack in between meals. It literally couldn’t be anymore opposite.
4. You look at your receipt and wonder why everything costs so much.
‘Why does my shopping bill look like I just accidentally bought a microwave without realising?’
5. You can’t go out to eat without extensively researching the menu online ahead of time.
‘Hi, are you ready to ord…’
‘I e-mailed my order to you 2 months ago in a detailed PDF – please refer to it’
6. And your menu is often 80% smaller than everyone else’s.
‘C’mon now – the kids menu is bigger than this! And the only starters and desserts I can eat both involve watermelon.’
7. You have a healthy distrust of restaurants from past experience.
Waiter: ‘Here’s your pizza!’
Me: ‘Is this the gluten free pizza?’
Waiter: ‘I don’t know, I’m not sure’
Me: ‘Could you check?’
Waiter: ‘Well you can try it and see?’
8. You carry around a gluten free ‘plan B’ just in case you can’t eat anything.
Don’t judge me because I have the equivalent to a Tesco Express free from aisle in my handbag at all times.
9. You will happily travel to another country just to find food you can eat.
I mean, when you ask people why they travel, one of the reasons is usually the food, right?
Well, it just happens that the ONLY reason I travel is for the food ?
If you check out my guides to gluten free in Rome, Barcelona and Florence, you’ll probably understand why.
10. …with a suitcase full of even more ‘plan B’ gluten free products.
20kg baggage allowance? I’ve packed that much in gluten free bread and cereal.
11. You’re quizzed on a daily basis about why you’re gluten free.
Them: ‘Why do you eat gluten free food?’
Me: ‘Because if I eat gluten, it makes me really sick’
Them: ‘But surely a little bit won’t hurt?’
Me: ‘Why would I want to poison myself even to a small degree?’
Them: ‘What happens if you eat gluten then?’
Them: ‘You don’t want to know’
Them: ‘No really, I do’
Me: ‘Well, after rushing to the toilet…’
12. And you’ve been quizzed so many times that you know how to remain calm when people ask you over and over again.
Deep breaths… deep breaths…
13. I REPEAT: YOU KNOW HOW TO REMAIN CALM!
Ok, well maybe I don’t have the most patience for that anymore.
14. You can no longer bear to eat a gluten free brownie.
Things have improved these days, but there was a time where the ONLY option EVERYWHERE was a gluten free brownie. At a coffee shop? Gluten free brownie. What’s on the dessert menu in this fancy restaurant? Gluten free brownie.
Afternoon tea, I wonder what… two tiers of gluten free brownies?!! That’s why, even though choice is a little better these days, my feelings towards brownies are still a little like:
*10 years ago*
Them: ‘I baked brownies!’
Me: ‘Wow, awesome, can I have one?’
*10 years of being gluten free later*
Them: ‘I baked brownies!’
Me: ‘Get out.’
15. Someone accuses you of eating gluten free for fun.
And when I say ‘fun’ I mean, people assume you eat gluten free for no reason. Like assuming that you CHOSE to eat gluten free – not because you have no other choice.
After all, when you read this blog post… why would anyone want to be gluten free by choice?!!?!
16. You rush out to the supermarket whenever a new gluten free product is released.
Some people queue up overnight and camp out in tents just to get tickets to Wimbledon.
I’m camped out outside Asda waiting for the doors to open so I can try the new Schar Malteasers. Life is all about priorities sometimes.
17. You have to explain how cross-contamination works to people who should know how cross-contamination works.
Me: ‘Do you serve gluten free fish and chips?’
A: ‘Yes, we do.’
Me: ‘Do you have a separate fryer?’
Me: ‘Do you know that that’s not actually safe for gluten free people then?’
A: ‘It is because the gluten is burned off due to the high temperatures of frying’
18. You’re actually told that you’re not welcome to eat at certain places. Seriously.
— Vicki Belt (@Vicki_Belt) August 7, 2019
19. But that’s ok, because you can’t imagine anything worse than eating somewhere unsafe.
Basically, thanks for letting me know in advance that you have no clue about anything when it comes to allergy awareness so I can NEVER visit ever again. Bye.
20. You click on blog posts like this and read them to the very end.
This might me the most accurate point of all, don’t you think?! ? Feel free to add your own Facebook comment below and finish the sentence ‘You know you’re gluten free when…’ if I missed anything else out!
Thanks for reading,